I am sure that for me to be writing like this from the Equator bathed in the Sun, comforted by its warmth, and somehow cheered by its light, I must be MAUDLIN as they used to say of those being too sentimentally influenced by their circumstances. Yet I do feel the bluebells have been left behind......and with them a facility to re-enter such a beautiful sense of 'holiness' flowing all around.
FOR THE LAST forty five years I have lived with growing numbers of people, the majority of them quite young, but with others older even than myself. And now I am growing old. One of the things down through the years that I have been confronted with is FORGIVENESS. I have slowly learned how much I myself have needed forgiveness, and how much forgiveness has been bestowed upon me. ESTHER, my dear wife, tells me that I have helped her to forgive over the years we have been together. She says I always seem to forgive so easily. To overlook a fault and just go on as if nothing had happened. Well but it was not always so easy as she supposed. I do think that my memory doesn't remember hurts done to me for long - indeed I seem to just forget them. A kind of INVOLUNTARY Memory Loss!! At one time in my life I began to 'pride' myself on this. BUT as I have grown older I have realised that humanly, perhaps even carnally, I have not always wanted to execute judgement on the sinner - so much more attractive to forgive and just set their sin on one side.........not wanting to lose them. How truly 'wily' Satan is.
Jesus Himself said that he had not come to judge the sinner. BUT He also said that there WAS/IS a Judge!! Forgiveness may be there for everyone, but it may not always prevent Judgement from being dispensed. Therefore I can see that for me it may at times have been that I have loved others with a carnal love, rather than with the pure, holy, and righteous Love of God - Love that will chastise when it is necessary; Love that will permit some sin sown to be reaped and paid for down here on Earth. As a human being I rather shrink from this thought. I do not want to BE hurt, and thus I find myself not wanting to see the hurt of others. The AXE of correction may sometimes be in my hand yet I hang back from letting it be used. And it is here that I find myself often in a quandary. I mean I want to forgive yet find in my forgiveness still a need to stand back and let the chastisement of God take its cause. Am I verging on Saul's error when he drew back HIS hand from following Samuel's command to DESTROY in favour of being somewhat merciful - or was it purely cowardice or self aggrandisement. Have I lost my way? Have I been merciful when I should have been strong.
Can it actually be that we can deceive ourselves enough in our human understanding and emotional involvement that we conceive a compromise with the Will of God. Saul lost his Crown and his life. Might I also be able to lose mine - can you lose yours? Oh Lord, it is not merely VISION that we need but STRENGTH to carry it out when we are given SIGHT to see it. I may be a coward myself in this area. Perhaps when Moses told those who stood with him to turn on their brothers and friends and kill them with the sword - thus putting them to death with their unbelief, purifying the nation - I might not have been able to obey him........I would have forgiven them WRONGFULLY?
Since Testimony Faith Homes started, and we began to welcome children into our family and see them grow, we have also been robbed; robbed by the ones we had given a home to. Strangely we have never been able at any time to definitely identify WHO was robbing us. We had our suspicions, even some circumstantial evidence perhaps, but we just went on living with them all. We confronted one and another, but received no confessions and no apologies. Of course we shared our feelings, expounded God's Word and Will on the whole subject of theft. Otherwise we took no action. It was frustrating, but on the other hand it was easier to set a matter aside and just forget about. BUT recently, over the last ten years of our ministry we have found it harder - not harder to forgive, on my part, but harder to bare the accusation that I should have worked harder to JUDGE and execute judgement purely on circumstantial evidence - that is without knowing the real TRUTH. Sometimes all WE have IS circumstantial evidence, but intuitively we might also KNOW in our heart of hearts what is the truth - and still fail to act on it. God in Heaven has this advantage of us all in that He KNOWS 'Who Did It' from the onset, and can exact the punishment fit for the crime without doubt that He KNOWS the culprit and without letting His own sorrow stop him from meting out the punishment. I am often caught unable to do this - I just cannot get myself ready to destroy another persons prospects and life.I find myself bound by my own inability in this area. Perhaps this is a defect in me, and in my leadership in this ministry. Maybe, right now, I might have to suffer not girding my sword on.
BUT I have been spared myself from correction till now. He has been ever merciful to me as I have cried to Him and sought His forgiveness. He has never denied it from me before, and whatever chastisement I have before deserved I have not felt it.
THIS WEEK I have sat and listened to one of my 'family' being accused of stealing in a big way over a long period within his work place. Yet there is no hard evidence - merely circumstantial evidence. He will lose his job because of it. But he is still part and parcel of our family.This week within the School more than four cases of stealing have been reported of students - one or two of them from the Children's Homes in fact - and the School is demanding their Expulsion. I have felt a need to be merciful,,,,,,,,,suspend them for a week, warn them not to do it again, and let them have a final opportunity before taking the irrevocable step of Expulsion. Am I right? What does the Bible say? If the Bible says expulsion...............? am I willing to be crucified?
ALL of this, and much more, at a time when generally we find ourselves in great need materially.
WITHIN MYSELF I find myself less and less wanting to be a 'judge' and to just leave it ALL to GOD who is the ONLY Judge - there is no other more worthy, more able, or more just. I just want to live and let live amongst my brethren. Even it aggravates others who feel a 'pound if flesh' may be due and who look for 'restoration' 'apology' or just plain 'judgement'! I am still privately brought to tears for those who I see sliding into trouble, persisting in their sin; I am wounded, hurt, made to suffer in my own heart. Yet they are my Brethren - they are my neighbours - they ALL need my loving kindness just as I needed and received the same for myself, blind, ignorant, and lost as I was.
I hope I am on the right track. You know when you get to 70 these days, those behind tend to think you have lost - or are losing - your 'marbles', and there are times when I might begin to think they might be right.
THIS WEEK, in the midst of many, we find ourselves destitute, without what is needed to push this ministry forward materially, AND also in the thick of a very negative attack on the moral fibre of the children in the homes and the school. We do not know WHY this is happening to us - is it for our own LEARNING and INSTRUCTION. We cannot go back and start again - but we CAN make changes and improve whatever needs to be improved. We need your prayers.
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This must be all for this week. Tomorrow is the Lords Day! We look for Him to fill it and to revive our spirits. We shall be thinking of you all, and especially for those brave men and women fighting those ferocious and destructive fires in South Australia, and for all those who lives and homes are threatened. God Bless you with His Mercy, and His Loving kindness, opening your understanding more and more so that you will find yourselves responding more and more.
With our love
John and Esther
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